What is Bibliotherapy and Does It Work?

After years of trying talk therapy with different therapists and social workers, I learned each therapist follows their own methodology. They do what they feel works best and not necessarily what works for the patient. It wasn't until I met with a trained psychotherapist during COVID that I learned therapist have an arsenal of tools which they can use to connect with their patients and help them begin to heal from their past traumatic experiences. It doesn't have to be all talking and constantly rehashing the same things over and over again. This was no help to me and I simply left each visit exhausted from constantly reliving the trauma over and over again. I needed to learn to heal and grow from these experiences. Why was I repeating these cycles?

I remember calling to make my appointment for a new therapist during COVID it was challenging finding anyone who had available appointments. Finally, after making over twenty phone calls I reached an intake officer who specifically asked me what I wanted to accomplish from this new therapy? I replied, "I want to face my fears". It was the first time I truly wanted to defeat these inner demons who constantly reminded me of my past failures, weaknesses, losses, and trauma. My first meeting with my new therapist she asked me specifically, "what happened to you"? I told her and as I was watching her, I noticed tears started to roll down her cheek. Not once did she stop me. Nor did she say a word as I was speaking. Rather, when I was finished she looked at me and said, "Joel, I am so sorry you have experienced so much heart ache and pain. No one deserves to be treated the way you have been treated". She genuinely heard my pain and we began a partnership to tackle these past traumatic experiences. The first assignment was to complete worksheets. I had never been given worksheets in therapy nor have I ever been given homework which caused me to reflect on how my life was going and how I wanted my life to go. I was focusing on the future and my today not my yesterday. I was in charge of identifying those situations and people who left me with feelings of pain, anguish, regret, and fear. I slowly began to understand how my past traumatic experiences shaped my reality causing to connect with the world from a place of fear and constantly questioning if I was safe and secure. I constantly questioned my worth, my values, and my wants and dreams. I was shaken to me core and scared to be the person I wanted to be for fear of upsetting those around me. I was more concerned about other people's feelings and safety than my own basic needs. This had to stop! I needed to learn to put my needs, my wants, and my desires before those around me. My young children were the only people who truly needed me to put their needs before my own as they were dependent on me and as their mom I was entrusted to care for them, love them, and provide their basic needs.

This was the start of my journey into understanding I have the power to fire my doctors, therapists, friends, and those people in our lives that were sucking the joy from us. As we grow we begin to have different needs and require fresh perspectives to help us achieve our goals. The therapist you saw for months must be willing to let you fly and work with a new therapist who meets you for the first time and sees you as this "new" growing individual. I found it was important to change therapists as I overcame obstacles. It allowed me in a sense to walk away from my old self defeating behaviors and say hello to the new me with a new therapist who was ready to help me reach a new level in my life. Perhaps others will disagree with me and that is perfectly ok. Each individual has the right to chose what works for them and as a society I think it is important we allow individuals to navigate their mental health in the ways that best serve them. Give people the freedom to find what works for them and watch them flourish.

My next therapist introduced me to bibliotherapy. I found her on the internet after reading The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. I found this book by listening to a pod cast on Spotify where the author, Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist and trauma research specialist was interviewed and spoke about his book. I found the interview to be fascinating as it spoke to me about the real implications trauma has on our bodies and how access to effective help in treating trauma along with the inherent risk factors out of a person's control expose them to trauma. This author helped me to understand some trauma is not your fault such as poverty, unemployment or underemployment, inferior schools, social isolation, substandard housing, and so much more. Never before had I heard anyone speak about trauma, post traumatic stress, the social implications of trauma, and the implications it has on the pain we feel in our bodies. I learned so many new therapeutic treatments which I had never before heard about. I learned I did not need a label to explain I was suffering from repeated traumatic experiences. My body literally hurt from all those traumatic experiences and when I was triggered I felt the pain again! Hence, the body keeps the score.

I researched EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, a type of therapy which has be highly effective in post traumatic stress and found a local therapist who was willing to see me on a sliding scale. She had also just left an abusive relationship and understood how domestic violence, abuse, and poverty affect women and children trying to leave powerful controlling abusive men. I was thrilled to have a therapist who understood me and saw me as a survivor rather than a broken victim. She said I could take back my control! She recommended I read books and gave me a list to read in addition to giving me worksheets to complete. She wanted to know exactly what I wanted to change, how I was going to change, and what outcome I wanted to achieve by changing! The first books I was assigned was Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankly, a book explaining EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, and Stop Walking on Egg Shells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. T. Mason and and Randy Kreger. I read the books in a week and tried my first EMDR session which was incredible. I learned to find my safe place and learned to comfort myself when I was feeling triggered and feeling unsafe. I learned how to comfort myself without needing anyone or anything. I was taught to rock, hold myself, sing, dance, rather than eat, take a pill, or drink to take away the discomfort. It works!

I can honestly say reading books has given me a sense of peace as I read the experiences others have endured and survived. I have also found healthy coping skills when I am feeling fear or scared. I realize I am not alone and I can make it. I can heal from all the past experiences and chose to live a better, more alive, non violent life! I am so grateful to all my therapists who have listened to me and shared their knowledge with me. If you are struggling I hope you will reach out to someone and perhaps try a new therapist who will encourage you to grow! Try a new method of therapy, do what works for you! If you would like some great books to read I have lots of inspiring and incredible books by authors who have overcome enormous obstacles. Don't give up, don't lose hope, and never stop climbing the mountain!